Letter to my Bae~

falling in love is easy,

you need to understand

you need to make afford to make your bae attract you

you need the bae that fully understand you..

currently I am in relationship,

with my beautiful, intelligence, and hard to approached

trying to figure your temper with the red marks ~

totally attractive and repulsive also explosive 

Totally my type..

Argument ~

its all happen when u just cant satisfied others because tht person just
making ur neck stiff
u heart beat stop
and your life just broken into shattered

I'm IMPERFECT !

I shall n u should just shut up !!

I need myself more than anyone else !

I am myself....

I unique for reason

I'm different for reason

It's just that me,

that how I cure myself

that how I conquer the world within my view

I shouldn't expand too much because

I can't handle over little things

 I can't follow u up !

i have rules n principles in my life

I have rules n regulation that I should follow !~

sO SHUT UP ! cause if u can't handle me than 

u're nothing more than a lesson in my book of life~

#MorningTalk ~

We Can't cause we HUMAN

We can't pleased anyone
we can't
we have limit
and that limit we called

EMOTION

yeash, emotion that took control of our action 
rather than our body..

biologically, yeash
roughly we could took control it cause 
we/re the host doesn't we?

yes, we're

cause that life
circle of life
wonderful isn't?
certainly,
painful,
absolutely because we must faced the fact we aren't robot~
we're mechanism that live solely to our God\
and do good deeds to our afterlife ~

enjoy it, share it and explore it ~
that my motto of life ~

#currently sharing the moment of my life I been through ~

Quote #36

Human aren't perfect 
but sometimes,
they becoming something that will make them
even uglier than before..

the apple looks pretty outside
 it sold out quickly
but 
what will happen when we cut it into half and
the inside is rotten and smelly?

obviously they will toss of the apple into the trash.

what if there's really a TRASH that can throw the GARBAGE like that?
majority will put inside there..
minor will run down the kingdom..

people become rotten and corrupt each and everyday..

if they don't care, why would we care?
fight evil with goodness...

it isn't easy but isn't hard either..
we can do it !
I know we can !

screw them

15/8/15

it's almost morning,

and i still didn't sleep

what I really want

is just to express what 

my taught running 

while i'm in youth age,

and have a little adventure

Age that

full of rage and rebel !

that's life

but that was my first time step into something like that.

^^ Well that's life

screw people !

Hello ! *Intro*

Hello !

*blow the dust*

*cough*

WOW !
it's been a while,

I found one of my way to reduce my stress level

is by ignoring those idiots !

for days,

they didn't log in 

and my peaceful day have come

until..

they said something in the group ~

why would u add oils in the ignite fuel?

really piss me off

nah, i didn't bother to say anything

and i'll just say whatever i want to say..

if i'm really at my limit

i'll just ignore you..

serve you !

a piece of mind~

i been playing with 'what's your nationality soul and etc'
later...
i found

where was the humanism in our soul?
it's rapidly flunk !

those good manners, good deeds, etc
lost and been extinct in our mammals suit !

i'm not a good motivator, 
not good at speech 
but one i know
i know what we're truly we're..

human are one of the kind organism..
we know what's 
sympathy, pity..
we have those emotion...
we have..

i want people to turn to those creature that been longing and loving by others
not to be marginalized by others.

no one should be blame for our situation
but, we should blame our greediness inside us..

we turn into monster/devils..
we become more demanding on things that shouldn't be reach..

everyone should have equal life..

Question :
who're we to rank people's status?
who're we to judge whether he/she should live or not?
who're we to point others' wrongdoing?
who're we to stop disrespect other's people personal life?
who're we to hit other's people's child?
who're we to taken someone happiness to pursued our own happiness?

we as human nature should help each other, 
even the hatred should be ignored,
the fuel should be stop...
don't manipulate others people feelings

Cause :
we don't know, when they'll strike their attacks on us..
to avenge their grudge on you..

-
Moral :
watch what're u saying..
be careful..

morality ~

well, i understand
i don't want to critic others people life
but sometimes

i feel sick
i mean
can't you stop?

you're neglect others people life/feelings..
you just can't accept the fact don't you?

the silent one is the most creepy one.
because they record other people life...
by record they act.

those fools..

but, i found it sick man..
stop being a jerk..

i dislike to talk about their wrongdoing 
but
can't you figure out yourself?
those eyes.... really blind u...

the appearance aren't always has quality in inside..
FOOLS!

moral of the story :
stop judging people before you know them..
but sometimes(rarely) it save you for your safe spot ~
also, people change... so do it..
towards those horrible attitude of yours ~

-sincerely, humanity-

^_____^

Yesterday,

I learn a lesson,

To adore or idolized somebody

Is alright

But, to be the exactly like them

Isn’t something that irritated and annoyed them?

It’s like you copycat her/him life

Some part of them

But, 

The question is:

1.“Do they know what him/her has been through to be the part that they idolized so much?”

2. “Where does the strength come from?”

3.”Does they aware that their starter of their life is different?”

Answer for those:

1. Experience is the best teacher. They learn from the past, accept their weakness and help the needed one that also struggle with them to be success.

2. It come from traumatize and to change them to be a better one. To protect their love ones. Do what is necessary in the present, worry about the future later.

3. Different book, tell a different story line. So, does everybody life, it’s like a book, they tell their past stories and share with others, current situation to make the future story dream come true.

My advice:

Look at the different angle, don’t be so selfish about yourself only, stop compare your life with others.

Your life is needed for somebody, your existence tell a different perspective to anybody that know the pain, yourself is needed to make everybody notice you are you and you are someone precious and love one.

It’s a matter of time and patient that are the price to found one. It’s a gamble.

Nobody will save you, except yourself.

The truth is:

Everybody is the main character in their life. Nobody is the side character. But, we’re the one that classified ourselves too much.

List your weakness and try to erase it!

Erase it with the new you that want to improve your current situation.

It’s a bit challenge but you can do it!

I know you can and you will.

I’m proud of you guys that still stand on your feet and still breathing.

 Well done~

Brain = Computer

I have lost my precious thing,

And that is,

my memorable memories.

Was,

Until my friend told our stories that we once shared together.

I can't recalled of everything.

even with my current college life.

I don't recalled anything.

I thing that's the syndrome that I called

Thrashing.

I delete unnecessary item and story in my head,

but, I accidentally drag with my precious story line.

my brain is like computer

it's fulled,

yet i try to fit it in.

after a long time, i found it

such a waste

I couldn't take both,

I should make a choice,

this or that

I choose either,

I make a decision,

all or nothing.

I take nothing~

Game over

you should save me
you should...

now, I become a monster
because
of the hatred of someone
not there 

helping me
the old me in the past
struggle to make up
not knowing what was my wrong doing.

I ... turn into it
the devil speak the truth
the angel speak the lies

so where am I?
I'm in between them ~
I slowly move to Devil..

don't worry ~
there's a good deeds in me still inside me

but, once I declare STOP,
I'll erase all your good deeds with me
especially our memories TOGETHER ~
will turn into ANOTHER
trash to be thrown..
GAME OVER for you 

I don't have a Life

I really am annoyed with the encounter of meeting old friends

1. I don't know what to talk about
2. I rarely like to talk about my past( I think I have throw it away)
3. I'm not used to the crowd places
4. I go out just to have fun 
5. I want to go out to forget about the problem (I really do)
6. I have no idea what to talk
7. I kinda a boring person to talk with.
8. I can live on my on if my chain not attached to anyone
9. I feel like I'll kill somebody ~( I really do if I set on my mind)

to sum up, my life is worthless ~
why?
huh.. my movement is being watched ! *@*^k !
I need to experience it !!!!!!!!!!!!!
What can i do if i have wall without my own will !

I want to know hardship ! I want !

Piss

I met my old ex-classmate
just consist of 5 peps
I kinda get awkward cause they wouldn't like
to say anything with me
just like seriously,

for the first time I make an appearance with them
first thing they said ;
 I have lost weight ~
Really? How should I know man.
n that hit me ;
am I that fat during my school day? 

secondly, this the 2nd time I heard them
first was when I met my teacher..
n she like ;
You LOSE WEIGHT HALF of yours are gone.

again , Am I that fat?
When I look back my old photos
Yeah, I am that Fat!
Oh GoD! 
It was due to stress that I lose(i think)
and also, 
I kinda piss off when I heard my sibling can go out and watch movie with her friends.
while me?
I can't even get hangout and be blame with the situation !
I had told her I'll be a bit late and what! I gain annoyed and frustration and
she said don't blame others
!@%^$#$#&

I'm the one who'll be blame! really!
I wanna have fun too but why can't I stay late like others?
I really am PISSED

I always argue with you !
I'm just demanding simple thing
I want to hangout with friends
later, after you embarrassed me..
I found that ~
I don't want to hangout with anyone ANYMORE

so, I want to hangout ALONE!
you WOULDN'T give  that, right.
therefore,
If you don't  want to follow me my demand, don't blame me if I have no LIFE !

RaNdOm ^^

Phobia ~

is term of saying

you just don't want to involve with those activities

well, i used that so, that

my friends will give up

on introducing their friend with me

like :

why're u guys eager to make me meet up with strangers?

although, they're your friends

doesn't mean i must friend with them~

Quote :

they're your friends, doesn't mean you're my friend...

give me a break man ~

I'm just a bad with people ~

I am a LONE WOLF ~

Lesson 7

I learn that

I ... have no guts to tell them
what I really feel

My will ~

one of my friends

had asked me..

she said" if only you have months left to you before you die, what would you do?"

Friend A : I'll skydiving around the world

(It's an awesome choice and things she would do, I'm kinda jealous)

Friend B: I'll go traveling, so a bit same with you

(Woo! she's awesome ~ haha )

they're all curious with my answer..

It's make me wonder...

what would I want to do before I die?

doing a good charity, at least it'll make people remember me..

but, I rather choose

being forgotten ~

I'll run away from home but doesn't it sound like them too?

travel =world = run

so, I choose to stay ~

why?

it's easy man,

I can throw my belongings

so that, there'll be no trace of my existence...

It's easy right?

on top of that ~

I really want to punch someone face..

I really want..

*laugh* haha

isn't will be lonely to die alone? without any memories with your beloved ones?

I want to cherish every minute, savor it till the end,

i know, it's greedy but..

isn't something that you want to see every single day

and just glad that you're alive again..

to meet them

stress

I found that !

I get really depressed whenever I'm at home..

I don't want to go out or hangout with friends

It's simply I just want to get out from my house

can't I run from my reality for a while?

can't I?

It's unfair for the eldest to be stuck and can't do simply anything !

while my other siblings can do anything they like..

I'm just a doll..

attach with a chain...

That's why.. 

I want to get out... sooner !

Why it always me to getting mad at?

=.=

* Now, i'm in mood swinging ~~

I'm happy for a moment and dam... i'm reading this comic and its a sad story and I cry !

hahah then I laugh ~ ^^

curse !

you people better be careful,
who u're talking behind their back
cause..
I'll get a dream meeting you guys.. and I know what you're talking about..
so, you guys are safe if i didn't go to sleep 
haha ! It's not a gift it's a curse! cause I can't sleep peacefully !
It's hard man~
especially those who're really close to me ~
please don't talk about me ~ It's useless ~
cause I'm not popular and not worth to be a hot topic ~
*sigh*

#Lesson 6

LOVE ~ and LIKE

which is more powerful?

the answer is

in your  HEART& DESIRE/CHARACTERISTIC

about that person~

it's all about you ~

It's YOU whose  is will decide your future

being a picky one isn't good either but it shows you have a goal or ideal characteristic and something you can achieved.

i respect those people..

they can be idolized but there's pros and cons

choose carefully whom to be a good modal for you and your future child.

what about those who doesn't have any specific characteristic?

don't worry, sooner or later, you know who's your crush and why you like her/him.~

But, i choose the path of LIKE everyone..

cause it's easy..

you don't have to choose your favorite one~

It's called COWARD

and i have no guts to do that either..

it's like choose between your mom and your internet when their's flood or unfortunate disaster come..

whom'll you choose?

It's hard man but... i'll choose my mom cause,

she's the only of the kind that exist in this world~

while LOVE is something i has never experience.. so the chances for me to fall in love is likely 0.01%,

that's the lesson I learn...

Know your position~

PS : Leo doesn't like to show affection and convince their love, but they truly loyalty and trustworthy unless, you have done something that really pissed Leo than prepare to meet your Creator ~

Lesson #5

if u really r tired thn go to sleep
but if u really want to sleep but u can't
that what peps call insomnia ~

That's  my current situation ~
I have i bags ~~ hahah horrible situation~

MONSTER in human form~

I keep on wondering ~
Have I become like them?
because, I think I do ~
I think become the same person that I once hated

later, I found that ...
I turn to be like  others..
the question is Why?

I think I become depend and my liking 
towards electronics really are something
It's scared me to death ~

That... I been to absorbed with internet that I intend to abandon my responsibility
I'm doing for the sake of what?

when I'm home I expect to be heart-warming...
I intend to keep it all and I stop talking with my parents
I play with my phone all the time
to avoid being lonely and ditched~
My phone is my life savior but..
It's just a moment ~...
Soon... It will leave me..

I must stop... for the sake of humanity ~
Humanity that give joyful to the world ~ That's my opinion ~

Chanllenge 1

I ...

been put at the edge of the cliff ..

Literally I'm stressed, depressed and under pressure (which mean the same)

Everyone expectation really corner me...

I have life... n I encounter with more problematic situation ~

Challenged and emotion to handle..

Being heartless is suited for me..

until...

I realized... I..

Hate myself..

to the extent I torture myself not eating and other stuff for fun,,,

#Depressed

Useless talk ~

I still remember

I had drawn something like that..

n guess what ..

My drawing came to life and IT came true ~

So I want to thank the mangaka(comic artist)

For drawing such perfect stories !

So, It does satisfied me ~

Thank you !

But, It's your work that I admire !

So keep on fighting !

Gambatte ne ~

# I'm just so touched by your works btw your's drawing is better than mine !

One day, I want to be like you ~ 

could that day come for me?

#Lesson 4

Don't ever ever ...
be afraid of losing friends or someone
cause maybe the other person that replaced their seat
maybe your best friend until death..
maybe better than previous one
but..
it could be turn the other round
It's up to you to take the risk!
Life is a gamble~
It's ALL or NOTHING

I, myself unsure to take the challenge ~
But, if it is the instinct to survive says that..
Than I'm willing to leave them..

#we wouldn't know until we figure it out, isn't?
I'm still thinking

Grumble

If you're a girl and the eldest,
I'm sure you have been struggling to be set free right?


how about boy?
I bet they want you to be the idol for your siblings,
a good example,
heavy duty there..

but they want the best for us right?

I don't mind but please !!
Let us breath and look at the world ourselves.
we want to know the hardship so we can
appreciate you guys more..
gratitude for your guidance ~

We'll be spoil ~
 // some maybe true ~

#Lesson 4

Never to attached with people

You are in your mother womb. Alone

You live by yourself

Even, you'll die by yourself..

It harsh but true isn't?

It open my eyes,

we can make bond

but not too tight ~

Child complain

I realized that
if I say like :
" I won't go out"
I'll done the opposite one
It's like a curse..

so I'll think my words before say it our loud
also,
I been caught up with my friend-intro-to-the-other-friend A.K.A new friend added in my list of friend,
It not like I don't like him,
just ..
I'm not comfortable
why?
they fluency beyond me..
I'm mere human with low capabilities and I didn't even know my IQ level.. (that's sucks)

Describe my new friend :
Male
same age as me
[that's it]

what i don't like about him was
he like to ask question,
always but a bait on me,
wanting me to say, speak my mind, LOUDLY,
also, he is very persuasive,
the more you resist the more he will try to open your mouth.
I'll just nodded and shook my head for the reply
cause I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable with my presence.

the story goes like this :
"So, how can you be friend with this monkey?"
I looked down, don't want to make eye contact, cause I know, he'll think I'm daring, so let's avoid any possible question to be asked. long silent there, sweat keep bugging my face.,
then, "really, you asked that question? of all the question that keep on pampering your head?", she replied and look at him.
I feel relieve. Thank you friend for backing me up.
"Personally .. it's bec-", before she could finished her sentence, he shush her and said,
"I'm talking to your friend, not you!" that sentences really choke me. i took a deep breath and pull some courage and look up.I keep on pressing my lips, parted it and closed it. in the end i just let it be hanging. Hard question to be answered for me. He keep on questioning me. I feel like I'm in interrogate room.
I'm the culprit and his the detective.

-end of the flashback-
Now, they want to meet up again..
I don't want to meet him..
I hope we didn't meet again cause I'm pretty hell sure.. three of them will plotted dark plan on me..

#Save me 

#Lesson 3

i realized that
I hate those things...

they crawl at you, 
with those fur around their body,
slowly?
no, they crawl faster, looking at you
and give that poison injection
whenever, you touched it.

\feedback for its surprise appearance
I took tissue wrapped it and throw outside.
Live outside there! don't came near me!

That what I get for not sleeping, hallucination
mind blowing!
 now, when I'm typing and hit something soft
I'll jolted and find equipment to get rid of it..

#Lesson 3: never ever ever done that again!

#Lesson 2

I learn that,

I should know, I'm in what position to them..or even my status ranking in the society..

friends? old friends? enemy?, my ally? best friends? lover(not happening)?

or maybe

a side character to them? but I gave a huge effect in their life? or just a passer-by that unfortunately involve in their life drama? 

then I realized,

I'm good on being a side character,

it's me, it suit me.

I'm high-status rank in society,

cause I know,

what's the different between diamond and shattered glasses!

i found the diamond the sparkle me and give hope to move on, no matter what roads we take, our heart still link.

treasure them, because they are someone that openly accept your flawless .

the shattered glasses, we could give them a change to become diamond, it's up to them,

the glasses sparkle but give annoyed feeling and irritated by its reflection.

but, why don't we give them a second change?(depend on their performance)

#Lesson 2

#Lesson 1

I just realize that
i'm bad when dating with people.
How did I know?
easy , i have been hooked up with dating sim and every single day i been through.. with them
it's hell man !
How the hell I know what you like?
your color and everything..

first lesson I learned,(just realized today!)
I'm bad in PR ~

#Lesson 1

Happy mother's day

Happi mother's day to all.of ur moms...
May Allah bless her hardship and keep guiding her and hv a wonderful day to celebrate n thank her to for gving birth, keep us healthy.. I could feel thr power of love filled my body, the way she caresses us until we turn teenagers, still support us as we keep hurting their feelings.. but they still there... stay by our side smiling n wait patiently for our return, don't reject her love.. accept who she is she as she accept our flawless.. she's perfect.. also she won't be lonely cause I'm here as her daughter/son will protect and keep her happy with all my mighty.. all my strength are for her. Thank you mom's
I love you..
I'm glad I'm born to.be ur awesome daughter/son.. ❤
#happymother'sday

Just to kill my time

The songs that I recently put, really are my favorite..
cause?
No reason, want to know more search them on Mr/Ms.Google ~ 

- If you want ^^-

Quote #39

Remember who you really are,
friends are many
but majority of them trying to destroy your identity and take over yours.

Minority is they that are, who you really are...
They are your reflection. Your mirror of your self.

Don;t believe,
check it yourself.

I know cause I had met them... and I have them..
BFF? Maybe still on the way~

But, I believe i could met them.. 

Wait for me then, to find who I am. Until then, be patient with me...